Liquid Nonsense

So for three or four weeks now I've been receiving acupuncture treatment for "damp heat in the large intestine." This is not the first time I have received traditional Chinese treatment for something, but it is the first time that the healing has involved my emotional channels. They definitely don't write on the treatment plan: "Warning: this therapy may make you feel like a crazy bitch."

The quick and short of it can be summarized that certain organ systems are responsible for the flow of particular energy (and emotions) through the body. Negative patterns establish and become part of our daily lives. This leads to pathological patterns like damp heat in the large intestine. Removing the negative pattern essentially involves solving the underlying problem. Guess what that involves? Re-harmonizing those energies and pathways so they all work correctly again, even if that means stirring up all the negative forces that started it to begin with.

Two weekends ago I emoted like crazy out of the blue on issues resolving around my sense of success and personal identity. This last weekend I broke down in a fit of hysterics and was crying. Not regular crying, wailing crying. The last time I think I did that was at my grandmothers' funeral, and even that might have been more subdued.

Clearly, I have a very deep seated angst-like feeling about my identity. At this point I know it's wedged squarely between what I thought my life path was, and my sexuality. The life-path one is more of "have I been living a lie for the last several years," and the sexuality is my feeling like I've somehow wasted my life up to the present as a gay man. The latter is the far more terrifying one to me.

All in all I have this overwhelming feeling of isolation right now that's proving difficult to overcome. Feel free to send some positive energy my way over the next few weeks. I desperately need it.

In the meantime: this is me breathing in....this is me breathing out.... repeat.