Liquid Nonsense

Friday, the day after the company Christmas party, I woke up with my legs feeling like they had been thoroughly worked out. At the time I did not really give it much thought; they were probably just tired from all the standing the night beforehand. By the time Friday evening rolled around my legs hurt, I had a headache that I will only describe as "horrific," and a fever somewhere near 100 degrees. This lousy state of affairs continued until about midday yesterday when it finally decided to largely resolve itself.

First and foremost, I do not get sick. The last occasion I can recall having been placed this far out of commission was sometime during elementary school. I missed neither a single day of high school nor college due to illness (do not read that as "I did not miss any days"). So to be this non-functional for five days sort of strikes me as absurd.

To paraphrase George Carlin, my white blood cells are currently working their way into the rebel camps to assassinate the invaders silently in the night. I will not stand for this sort of rebellious uprising in any one of my organ systems. They will slice the leaders' heads off, and place them squarely on pikes in my heart as a warning to all other pathogens that would dare enter here.

I am in a foul mood as a side effect of recovering. My coworkers have somehow managed to be able to piss me off with "hello." Under most normal circumstances I am nowhere near this punchy. I should have known something was up Friday night when I was walking with Simon around Fashion Square in Scottsdale. I was crossing a driveway when an older woman driving one of those (needlessly) large SUVs charged in front of me as if to say "no, pedestrians don't have the right of way as long as I drive my Deforester 9000(tm)." Being a little punchy at the time I noticed that her window was down, looked her dead in the eye, and called her a cunt rather loudly. She was far, far less than pleased, but I felt a sense of smug satisfaction. I always know something is up when I start getting that particular emotional response from my actions. It says, very concisely, "I don't need to be clever, I just need to make you upset." I would say I am semi-upset about this in retrospect, but that bitch really did deserve it.

The Christmas party ended up being all right. Phil was not able to make it due to Star's funeral being on the same day (totally, totally understandable), so I invited Heidi. She felt bad about me not being able to go with my boyfriend, so she decided to dress up as a man to make me feel better. All I am going to say is that I was there with the hottest chick in the place. The company had photographers on site, so I have a single picture that I may be able to get up onto my Flickr account. Phil got back Sunday night during a window when I did not feel like absolute shit, which was nice. Monday night he helped take care of me, which I am still extremely grateful for his rescuing me from the drudgery of my couch. Tonight is apparently bowling with friends who are visiting, so we shall see how that goes. I am just going to offer morale support. I loathe bowling.