Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Because Legos are way cool
Somedays I feel like such a little kid, especially days where I write things like my previous entry. Those are the days when I feel angst-ridden. It's almost as if I did not experience the necessary life quota in high school and I am forced to make up for it now in the form of periodically unscheduled introspection.
These introspective cycles take the following form: happiness, surprise emotion, dog-shit like state, semi-depressed, laughing recovering stage wondering what the previous ones were about and why they hit me so hard, and lastly remembering that I rock.
The surprise emotion state that usually kicks these fuckers off is 99% of the time due to me forgetting that it is relatively impossible to compare apples to elephants. I have a remarkably easy time losing my perspective on matters when my energies are divided. In particular I forget everyone starts "somewhere" on any given matter, and only through the course of time and experience can we move from "here" to "there."
Nobody has my unique set of experiences just as I don't have theirs. This statement has given me more grief over the years than just about anything else. Granted, it's helped lead me down the path that I'm on. I strived to work on the same level as the other Ph.Ds when I worked in a lab, and consequently I performed exceptionally well. At work I keep pace with all the senior engineers and my work reflects that dedication.
The problem is I assume that I can automatically keep pace in these situations when that may simply not be the case. Chris has to move at Chris pace and no other. When I run at a speed I'm not necessarily meant to running at presently, then I lose my footing. Slow the mind down and let the feet get their gription back.
Nothing has the same grounding effect as a kiss on the forehead, an "I love you," and one of those whole body hugs. Undoubtedly one day I will look back on these notes and pleasantly smile at things that once bothered me because one day I'll be a little more experienced.
Until then I'm going to play with some Legos and enjoy the ride... One day at a time.
These introspective cycles take the following form: happiness, surprise emotion, dog-shit like state, semi-depressed, laughing recovering stage wondering what the previous ones were about and why they hit me so hard, and lastly remembering that I rock.
The surprise emotion state that usually kicks these fuckers off is 99% of the time due to me forgetting that it is relatively impossible to compare apples to elephants. I have a remarkably easy time losing my perspective on matters when my energies are divided. In particular I forget everyone starts "somewhere" on any given matter, and only through the course of time and experience can we move from "here" to "there."
Nobody has my unique set of experiences just as I don't have theirs. This statement has given me more grief over the years than just about anything else. Granted, it's helped lead me down the path that I'm on. I strived to work on the same level as the other Ph.Ds when I worked in a lab, and consequently I performed exceptionally well. At work I keep pace with all the senior engineers and my work reflects that dedication.
The problem is I assume that I can automatically keep pace in these situations when that may simply not be the case. Chris has to move at Chris pace and no other. When I run at a speed I'm not necessarily meant to running at presently, then I lose my footing. Slow the mind down and let the feet get their gription back.
Nothing has the same grounding effect as a kiss on the forehead, an "I love you," and one of those whole body hugs. Undoubtedly one day I will look back on these notes and pleasantly smile at things that once bothered me because one day I'll be a little more experienced.
Until then I'm going to play with some Legos and enjoy the ride... One day at a time.
# posted by Chris/Stewy @ Wednesday, June 07, 2006 
