Liquid Nonsense

(Comments are appreciated)

My mantra lately has been "ask for help when you need it." I have been making a conscious concerted effort to make sure that my friends and loved ones feel more involved in the process that keeps me alive day to day. My tendency to live in my own head and isolate myself was all fine and good for some earlier stages in my life, but now I want to work to change that. Work, school, and my personal life are as closed to being balanced as they ever have before, and I want to bust my ass to keep it that way.

In particular I want to make sure I take the time to maintain and balance my personal life. I was reading an interesting personality note the other day that said something to the effect of relationships being the litmus test by which I measure my own progress in life. After reading the sentence on paper the truth of the statement hit me. Looking backward I can see the progress I've made over the years from when I started dating at the end of high school through early college and all the way up to the present. Every step along the way introduced new people and new issues.

I feel like I've made the bulk of my previous relationship progress on my own, and more importantly that I've reached a point where I need additional help to really grow to the place I'd like to be. The best thing college did for me was given me an environment to deconstruct some of my views on sex, drugs, and the realm of things I was told were Bad For Me. The big important keyword in that last sentence was 'environment'. I need to construct an environment where I can explore the fine region between my current relationship and my own sexual exploration.

What I need is a support web. I just don't have that many friends that have walked the path I want to walk. During high school I was the adventurous one, and definitely found plenty to get my hands dirty with, and throughout college I definitely had the rebellious streak amongst my friends. However, despite that, none of us were throwing crazy sex parties, having orgies, and and any other kind of crazy monkey sex you can think of. It sort of struck me that we probably weren't engaged in that because we most likely didn't know how to go about it, and more so, because we had no pattern to emulate. We didn't have a web of support. It was very easy to find people who clearly disagreed with that sort of wild behavior, but very few that embraced it. I want to be one of those individuals that can balance a fantastic personal relationship and have a diversified sex life. I want to be good at it. I want to be able to have a fuck buddy on the side as easily as I tell my boyfriend that he means the world to me. I want an environment where I can receive positive affirmation instead of a deluge of negativity from the rest of society as well as my own nagging sense of ennui.

What I need is a support web.