Thursday, May 18, 2006
Camel's back + one more straw
I think something in my head finally snapped today. My job has irritated me before, but today for the first time I actually said "I hate my job" to myself. We've been maintaining a death march pace for the last several weeks working on the dumbest shit.
The real problem though, and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks tonight, is that it's bleeding into other aspects of my life now. Last night I grabbed dinner after work with Simon so we could just chill and hang out. Really, it was a session so we could bitch about what we don't like at work. The conversation was probably 75-80% of me doing the venting. The kicker is that we talked and mused for probably the better part of three hours.
Tonight, the next day after venting, I spent my evening with Phil. It isn't that I felt on edge or upset at him, but not as free flowing as I'm used to or as I'd like. On my way home I was reflecting on my recent atypical behavior and it struck me that I'm seeking to fill the energy hole of my day life with my personal life and it is translating into unreasonable expectations on loved ones. Essentially, I feel like a prick.
I am the one ultimately responsible for my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. My needs are not being met in a way that is balanced or healthy and I'm starting to pay the price. I'm going to resolve this work issue and set everything else on track, because if I don't I may end up actually hurting someone I care about.
Self-monitoring is important. Time to make sure all of mine are working correctly.
The real problem though, and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks tonight, is that it's bleeding into other aspects of my life now. Last night I grabbed dinner after work with Simon so we could just chill and hang out. Really, it was a session so we could bitch about what we don't like at work. The conversation was probably 75-80% of me doing the venting. The kicker is that we talked and mused for probably the better part of three hours.
Tonight, the next day after venting, I spent my evening with Phil. It isn't that I felt on edge or upset at him, but not as free flowing as I'm used to or as I'd like. On my way home I was reflecting on my recent atypical behavior and it struck me that I'm seeking to fill the energy hole of my day life with my personal life and it is translating into unreasonable expectations on loved ones. Essentially, I feel like a prick.
I am the one ultimately responsible for my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. My needs are not being met in a way that is balanced or healthy and I'm starting to pay the price. I'm going to resolve this work issue and set everything else on track, because if I don't I may end up actually hurting someone I care about.
Self-monitoring is important. Time to make sure all of mine are working correctly.
# posted by Chris/Stewy @ Thursday, May 18, 2006 
