Thursday, February 02, 2006
Monkeys and voltmeters
I wish I had a semantic thesaurus that could act upon an entire sentence rather than just a single word. If such a magical device was to be invented I would look up the alternatives to such colorful expressions as "Two monkeys fucking a football." My page-flipping efforts would be rewarded with the physics lab experience I had earlier this evening.
Have I mentioned that I hate my physics class? This is not standard hate. Oh, no. This is visceral. This is the kind of hate that given the right circumstances, and bacteria, would lead to an all out peptic ulcer. While I know that it might seem like gross hyperbole to say that my physics class is causing me immense physical duress; let me assure you, the ammonia lining of my stomach does recede every time I have to set out for class. I can only hope that the adjacent classroom full of biology students will be able to piece together my garbled statements and seek a life-saving member of the medical community when I finally go ape shit, bleed out of the ears, and club one of these fuckers to death with an oscilloscope.
Allow me to set the scene. I have had a long day at work. Really long day. Projects-spontaneously-developing-right-in-front-of-my-eyes-with-critical-deadlines long. I was prepared to set out for MCC along my usual path, only to discover the FBR Open (some golf event. Assuming there's someone out there that does, in fact, call "golf" an event) had let out and had clogged the freeway and surface. I head home to finish my lab write up. I didn't do it last week, because, honestly, there's no goddamn reason that I should piss away the hour it's going to take to write up a lab on basic electrical circuits. Really basic. Three resistors in series basic.
I digress....
After I finish the write up, and conveniently miss the lecture part of the class, I head down to campus. Upon arriving I was able to join my lab group for the actual "experiment" part of the evening. Watching them set up an oscilloscope was quite a thing to behold. I'm not rightly sure what even happened to be honest. I just remember laughing to myself (silently) when I see three different people's hands reaching for three distinct knobs and all turning at the same time. This is followed with three voices telling me "it's not working."
At what point do you think it might be a good idea to only vary one thing at a time? When do you think they would actually start reading the labels on the knobs? These are relevant questions- and for some reason were not being asked. After watching the monkeys fuck the football for about thirty minutes we just decided to give up and use someone else's rig.
It's going to be a long semester.
Have I mentioned that I hate my physics class? This is not standard hate. Oh, no. This is visceral. This is the kind of hate that given the right circumstances, and bacteria, would lead to an all out peptic ulcer. While I know that it might seem like gross hyperbole to say that my physics class is causing me immense physical duress; let me assure you, the ammonia lining of my stomach does recede every time I have to set out for class. I can only hope that the adjacent classroom full of biology students will be able to piece together my garbled statements and seek a life-saving member of the medical community when I finally go ape shit, bleed out of the ears, and club one of these fuckers to death with an oscilloscope.
Allow me to set the scene. I have had a long day at work. Really long day. Projects-spontaneously-developing-right-in-front-of-my-eyes-with-critical-deadlines long. I was prepared to set out for MCC along my usual path, only to discover the FBR Open (some golf event. Assuming there's someone out there that does, in fact, call "golf" an event) had let out and had clogged the freeway and surface. I head home to finish my lab write up. I didn't do it last week, because, honestly, there's no goddamn reason that I should piss away the hour it's going to take to write up a lab on basic electrical circuits. Really basic. Three resistors in series basic.
I digress....
After I finish the write up, and conveniently miss the lecture part of the class, I head down to campus. Upon arriving I was able to join my lab group for the actual "experiment" part of the evening. Watching them set up an oscilloscope was quite a thing to behold. I'm not rightly sure what even happened to be honest. I just remember laughing to myself (silently) when I see three different people's hands reaching for three distinct knobs and all turning at the same time. This is followed with three voices telling me "it's not working."
At what point do you think it might be a good idea to only vary one thing at a time? When do you think they would actually start reading the labels on the knobs? These are relevant questions- and for some reason were not being asked. After watching the monkeys fuck the football for about thirty minutes we just decided to give up and use someone else's rig.
It's going to be a long semester.
# posted by Chris/Stewy @ Thursday, February 02, 2006 
