Saturday, January 28, 2006
Time marches on
I can already feel the effects of limbo setting in. Everyday I spend at least a few minutes lost in reverie wondering what life would be like to only be working. After these several minutes are squandered I'm left with the horrible realization that this, in fact, may very well be it. Wake up. Go to work. Chat with coworkers at lunch. Type. A lot.
I enjoy my job for the most part. I really do. My complaints come from the inherent monotony involved in software engineering. It's a fun task in an atomic sense. The task itself is great. Working with questionable management, confused users, and people with zero conceptualization of how software really works... not so much. If software engineering were somehow an encapsulated task I think it would be vastly more enjoyable. Unfortunately, without some damnable users the product would never be utilized and then where would my paycheck come from?
In the very near future I will find out whether or not I'll be moving over the summer to a new potential home on the other side of the country. In the very near future I will have some serious life decisions to make. I've essentially already made the decision to move. It's simply a matter of having a university to empower, not to mention justify, that action.
Why is it that I'm so hell bent on this path? It's a compulsion; no, it's more than that. This is obsession. In a very real sense this is a yearning for vindication with respect to my own ego. The "womanundertheinfluence" correctly referenced the sense of capital-A Arrogance that I feel her and I share. It isn't necessarily elitism and it isn't a separatist attitude. It's a sense of self-recognition. It's being honest with oneself. Perfect? Not by a fucking long shot. We all have our faults, but by the same token, we all have our strengths. We simply recognize ours for what they are.
The reward of undergraduate education for some is the conferring of a degree. For others it's the recognition from the next layer up. For me it's the ability to pursue a divergent career. My current job gives me extremely liberal show up policy. For instance, I'm merely required to be at work between the hours of 7am to 10am. Frequently I come in as late as 10:30am. I chalk this up to having a job that has zero customer interaction and high intellectual value. The less determinism in my job the better. I want things to aim for, but I don't necessarily want a set path to achieve them.
I would be happy to consign myself to mediocre pay at best if it meant that I had something exciting to do. My income has remarkably little to do with my sense of satisfaction. I make damn good money right now, yet I want to go to graduate school. I would be slashing my yearly income to less than half to make that choice. Money is not the deciding factor. Getting to pursue what I find interesting is a degree of freedom too exciting to not choose. This is my life and I want to spend it doing the things that I want to do. Designing software for other people can lick my balls. Oh well, for now it pays the bills, and for that I am thankful.
In completely unrelated news I find that my more zen attitudes always seem to yield better results. Example, when I look the least I find the most. I have been enjoying the lifestyle change I mentioned a few posts back. Really it boils down to me taking advantage of my new found time to enjoy the search for sex. Interesting discoveries, let me tell you. In the past three months I have met more stable, productive, and interesting people than I have in the last 3 years. I still don't understand the full implication, but I'm positive I'll explore it some more.
I enjoy my job for the most part. I really do. My complaints come from the inherent monotony involved in software engineering. It's a fun task in an atomic sense. The task itself is great. Working with questionable management, confused users, and people with zero conceptualization of how software really works... not so much. If software engineering were somehow an encapsulated task I think it would be vastly more enjoyable. Unfortunately, without some damnable users the product would never be utilized and then where would my paycheck come from?
In the very near future I will find out whether or not I'll be moving over the summer to a new potential home on the other side of the country. In the very near future I will have some serious life decisions to make. I've essentially already made the decision to move. It's simply a matter of having a university to empower, not to mention justify, that action.
Why is it that I'm so hell bent on this path? It's a compulsion; no, it's more than that. This is obsession. In a very real sense this is a yearning for vindication with respect to my own ego. The "womanundertheinfluence" correctly referenced the sense of capital-A Arrogance that I feel her and I share. It isn't necessarily elitism and it isn't a separatist attitude. It's a sense of self-recognition. It's being honest with oneself. Perfect? Not by a fucking long shot. We all have our faults, but by the same token, we all have our strengths. We simply recognize ours for what they are.
The reward of undergraduate education for some is the conferring of a degree. For others it's the recognition from the next layer up. For me it's the ability to pursue a divergent career. My current job gives me extremely liberal show up policy. For instance, I'm merely required to be at work between the hours of 7am to 10am. Frequently I come in as late as 10:30am. I chalk this up to having a job that has zero customer interaction and high intellectual value. The less determinism in my job the better. I want things to aim for, but I don't necessarily want a set path to achieve them.
I would be happy to consign myself to mediocre pay at best if it meant that I had something exciting to do. My income has remarkably little to do with my sense of satisfaction. I make damn good money right now, yet I want to go to graduate school. I would be slashing my yearly income to less than half to make that choice. Money is not the deciding factor. Getting to pursue what I find interesting is a degree of freedom too exciting to not choose. This is my life and I want to spend it doing the things that I want to do. Designing software for other people can lick my balls. Oh well, for now it pays the bills, and for that I am thankful.
In completely unrelated news I find that my more zen attitudes always seem to yield better results. Example, when I look the least I find the most. I have been enjoying the lifestyle change I mentioned a few posts back. Really it boils down to me taking advantage of my new found time to enjoy the search for sex. Interesting discoveries, let me tell you. In the past three months I have met more stable, productive, and interesting people than I have in the last 3 years. I still don't understand the full implication, but I'm positive I'll explore it some more.
# posted by Chris/Stewy @ Saturday, January 28, 2006 
